Jesus’ words are hard to take seriously. Seriously.
Try to think about today’s application of these:
“If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the
other cheek also.”
“And if anyone wants to sue you and takes your shirt, hand
over your coat as well.”
“If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them
two miles.”
As students would say, “That’s cray-cray!”
@ UrbanLife
None of these were my first thoughts when the pizza delivery
guy told me his phone was stolen out of his car. He was delivering 25 pizzas for the UrbanLife club meeting, when one of our students helped themselves to his Samsung Galaxy 3.
The timing was horrible.
Only 5 minutes before we were about to warmly welcome our high school
friends into the building. Adult
volunteers were praying for the evening.
The pizza guy was standing at the door, arms crossed and brow sweating,
just waiting for Sherlock Holmes to show up.
And nobody was talking. ‘ Snitching’ is not an option for students.
Stealing is commonplace, I am quickly learning. We are down 3 smart phones in 3 months at
UrbanLife. Word on the street, is that a
whole core of our students are taking items to the pawn shop, and splitting the
proceeds.
Immediately, I feel
anger and fear.
Interestingly, I am seeing stealing happen in my own nuclear
family. One day, a hundred-dollar bill
made it out the door and to school. More
recently, the teacher’s supplies made it into my child’s backpack and back home. When it is my own kid, it really gets me
scared.
But I am learning
I am learning that stealing (and then lying about it after)
are super common effects of children that experience trauma. I am learning that the behavior is usually
not premeditated, willful, or targeted to hurt a specific person. Instead, the behavior begins from an
unconscious place. Children and youth
who steal are seeking to be comforted.
According to Bryan Post PhD/LCSW, stealing is “an external attempt to
soothe an internal state.” It’s really
not even about the item taken for the individual that steals. It is more about the rush of chemicals
(endorphins) in the brain that occurs for them.
Stealing creates a temporary state of ecstasy for that child or youth.
Just this basic understanding helps me greatly.
My revised
understanding has me thanking God for the stealing.
Here is why: If we
understand the stealing behavior to be an impersonal cry for help, we have been
given some valuable information. But more
than that, we are served up a potentially transformative interaction with
students, if we can act out of love, rather than fear. In the short term, it looks like overlooking
the stealing. It looks like affirming
the relationship and your love for the youth, even if it is obvious that the
student is involved. It may even mean
offering the youth more of the thing they just stole. I know…that’s crazy. But it really closely approximates a
forgiveness-ethic that changes people. It’s
the Jesus way.
It also means, after time has passed and fear of punishment
is not looming, discussing it directly.
“Hey I care about you.
But I really hurt when you tell a lie or take things. I know the only time you do that is when you
are really stressed out. Would you come
to me next time you feel that way?”
My attempt went like
this…
I decided that I wanted to pay the pizza man for his lost
phone. It happened on our property and
the phone was taken from inside his car.
But I also wanted students to
know that it was me, indirectly, that they stole from.
With two students in my car, I traveled to the bank. I asked them to wait while I got out $180
cash. Then we drove to the pizza
joint. I didn’t believe that either of
these two took the phone. But I do know they
know who did. And they may have
benefited from the resale. I walked in
alone and gave the cash to the victim.
Re-entering the car, I really wanted to go on and on about my
disappointment and disbelief of the event.
Instead, I said, “Please spread the word on the street, that I love the
person who took the phone, and that they stole the phone from me.”
That was it.
Are you Kidding?
Their disbelief was obvious.
“That’s why I’m not a Christian. That is some crazy shit right there.”
I am praying that moments like these turn redemptive.
